


Godspeed

by jaspammy



Series: Keep a place for me [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Fluff, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28970283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaspammy/pseuds/jaspammy
Summary: You look down on where you came from sometimes, but you'll have this place to call home always.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Keep a place for me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2125878
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Godspeed

Tsukishima opened his eyes. 

The early morning sunlight shone through the window of a bedroom that didn’t look like his. Everything around him seemed to blend like a chaotic mess. What was he doing here in the first place? 

From what he gathered, he was lying in bed. Someone next to him was obviously talking to him, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. 

“Tsukki, are you okay?”

As he finally came to, Tsukishima realized he was in Yamaguchi’s room. He still wasn’t sure why since Yamaguchi was—

“Tsukki, are you listening? Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked as he waved a hand in front of Tsukishima’s face.

“I’m fine. What were you saying?”

“I was wondering what you wanted to do today. We could go to that cafe you like?”

 _What cafe do I like?_ Tsukishima thought to himself. Everything seemed to be fuzzy and his memory patchy. He racked his brain for any sort of information but came up with nothing. 

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said, bringing Tsukishima to his senses. “You haven’t answered me-uh unless you don’t want to go, that’s fine!” he spluttered.

* * *

The cafe was small and empty. 

Tsukishima sat across from Yamaguchi, who had a cup of hot chocolate in front of him, Tsukishima with a strawberry shortcake slice that hadn’t been touched. Tsukishima sat across from Yamaguchi, watching his mouth move but not listening to the words he was saying. For the life of him, Tsukishima could not understand how and why he was here. Something was missing for sure, but every memory seemed out of reach. It’s like his brain was playing catchup but not sure what he was supposed to be missing. 

“What’s up with you today? You seem super out of it. Did you get enough sleep last night?” Yamaguchi asked.

 _Last night._ He woke up in Yamaguchi’s bed, unaware of how he got there or if they had done anything. What was the nature of their relationship? Tsukishima knew that he did like Yamaguchi and had a hunch that the brunette felt the same way but had he confessed his feelings? Are they dating?

“I slept well.”

A wave of relief washed over Yamaguchi’s face as he continued talking. “Ah, that’s good. I was worried you stayed up all night watching Jurassic Park.”

_So they didn’t have sex._

“Anyway, what were you saying?”

_“Wake up.”_

At that moment, everything came flooding back to Tsukishima. Right. Now everything made sense. This wasn’t supposed to happen, though. Everything was supposed to be natural, so what the hell was going on.

“Yamaguchi?”

“I was asking if you wanted to visit the Sendai museum.”

* * *

“Coming,” Tsukishima mumbled as he dropped the book he was reading. There was a knock on his door, which could only belong to one person. It’s not like he had any friends. Turning the doorknob, he was greeted by Kuroo standing in the hallway.

“Oh wow, you’re home,” Kuroo said. “Well, how did it go? How was he?” 

“It was alright,” Tsukishima replied. 

Kuroo let out a heavy sigh. “Y’know you could tell me a little bit more. I did come all this way to see you.”

“You couldn’t have sent a text?”

“Eh? I knew if I texted you, you would have ignored it anyway. Plus, I haven’t seen you in a few months, and I was worried you were dead ‘r something. Nobody’s heard from you in a while, so I came to do my own welfare check, figured it’d be better than calling the police. Anyway, are you gonna let me in? Or am I prohibited from entering your apartment?”

There was a long uncomfortable silence that followed. Aside from this brother and mother, Tsukishma had not kept in contact with anyone ever since-

“I’m guessing that’s a no, huh? No worries, I won’t keep you any longer. November is comin’ soon, and I know it’s tough for you, Take care of yourself.”

* * *

“I’m really excited to see everyone. I feel like it’s been so long since we’ve all been together,” Yamaguchi beamed.

“Yeah, it’s been a while.”

Yamaguchi’s laugh rang throughout his bedroom. “It wouldn’t hurt if you would at least pretend to be excited, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima didn’t respond but instead watched Yamaguchi pace around the room from the bed. From what Tsukishima was able to gather, it was Hinata’s birthday, and the volleyball team was celebrating by having a barbecue. To say Tsukishima wasn’t excited was an understatement. He could have sworn he fought with Hinata last year, so why was he going to his birthday party? The timeline of everything was unclear, to say the least, and his mind was running in circles around him.

“What are you planning on doing for your birthday this year?” Tsukishima asked as he leaned back on his hands to get a better look at Yamaguchi. He watched as the brunette paused for a moment, humming to himself, thinking of an answer.

“I’m not too sure. Isn’t it too early to be thinking about my birthday anyway?” 

“What are you talking about? It’s almost November.”

Yamaguchi turns to Tsukishima. His face contorted to display confusion. “What are _you_ talking about? It’s June.”

* * *

Miyagi’s first snowfall is on November 10th. 

Tsukishima feels like the world is spiting him. 

* * *

“You need a haircut,” Tsukishima says. 

Yamaguchi giggled while grabbing a few strands of his hair between his thumb and index finger. “I know you like my hair Tsukki,” hinted Yamaguchi as he winked mischievously at Tsukishima. “Unless you like me better with short hair?” 

“Shut up.”

“Ah, Tsukki, you’re so mean,” Yamaguchi smiled while grabbing his chest. “But seriously,” Yamaguchi started, “Should I cut my hair? I kind of like it long. To be honest, it’s different. Maybe I could- huh, Tsukki? Is there something on my face?” Yamaguchi tilted his head, his smile becoming playful. 

Tsukishima stared with wide eyes and a slack jaw with a beet-red face. Yamaguchi wondered if Tsukishima thought he was, dare he say, attractive. His face was that of someone who had just seen a ghost. 

Then he snapped out of it.

Tsukishima clears his throat before he speaks, “There’s nothing on your face and do whatever you want with your hair. You don’t listen to me anyway.”

“ _Sometimes_ I do listen. I also care about what you think about me,” Yamaguchi grinned and Tsukishima, and he rolled his eyes. “Well, Tsukki, what do you think? I’m serious. I want your opinion.”

A long pause. Yamaguchi wondered if Tsukishima would entertain the idea of answering his question.

“Do what you want, but I think you look fine either way.”

“Wow, thanks!” Yamaguchi chirped. “I think that might be the nicest thing you’ve said to me.”

“Don’t get used to it.”

* * *

Tsukishima ignores Kuroo’s text, saying _I wish you showed up at my birthday party._

Maybe Tsukishima was a bit selfish, but he couldn’t face them all. The constant questioning, worrying and babying. He was fine.

Tsukishima wonders what Yamaguchi would say if he knew he was hiding from everyone.

* * *

“Have you decided where you want to go to university?” Tsukishima inquires.

It was a July summer evening. Yamaguchi sprawled out next to Tsukishima on his porch. The cool concrete underneath his skin and the warm sun rays that warmed his skin made for a comfortable contrast as the two boys watched the midday blue turned into an array of soft pinks, purples and oranges.

“Not sure yet. My parents want me to stay close to home,” Yamaguchi responds.

Kei hums before he responds. “Is that what you want?”

“Uh, well-I mean, I wouldn’t mind staying here. I uh-yeah, I don’t know maybe.”

“You should do what you want to do,” Tsukishima says. “Not what they want.”

“What about you?”

“As long as it’s far from here.”

“Do you really want to get away from me that badly?” Yamaguchi giggled.

“Not you. I'd never want to be away from you.”

* * *

There’s a knock on Tsukishima’s door. He lets out an irritated sigh as he walks from his couch to the door. He opens the door, expecting Kuroo to be on the other side, but this time, it’s Kenma.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

Kenma slips his phone into his back pocket before handing Tsukishima a plastic bag. “This is for you. It’s groceries for the next week.”

Tsukishima fought the urge to roll his eyes at the shorter man, knowing that he was just trying to help him take care of himself, but it was hard when he felt that he was being babied at the same time. He took the plastic bag and glanced in, vegetables and fruits spread about.

“Have you spoken to Tetsuro lately?” Kenma asks.

“No. Why?”

“You didn’t come to his birthday party. He was pretty upset about it.”

“Sorry.”

“I'm not the one you need to apologize to.”

* * *

_“Tsukishima, how lovely of you to call!”_

“Kuroo, are you busy now?”

* * *

“So what’s up?” Kuroo asked, leaning his elbows against the small table.

Tsukishima sat across from him, remaining silent. _Why did he call Kuroo over?_ Maybe he finally realized he couldn’t be alone anymore. Wanted to make amends with everyone else. Yamaguchi used to tell him all the time, “Humans are social animals. You can’t isolate yourself forever.”

Tsukishima played with his hands as he always did when he was nervous. 

“I guess I’ll start. My birthday was fine, but I wish you came. Everyone asked for you,” Kuroo said, disrupting the silence.

“Sorry.”

“Y’know, _he_ wouldn’t want you to be like this. I bet he’s look-”

“I get it, Kuroo.”

“But you don’t,” Kuroo countered. “We’ve all tried to help you, but you push us all away. What would he think of you right now?”

“Enough,” Tsukishima seethed. He understood the point. This wasn’t anything new to him. He told himself this all the time. Obviously, he was beating himself up over it, so why was Kuroo in his living room giving him a lecture.

“What would Yamaguchi think of his precious _Tsukki_ now?”

Something inside Tsukishima breaks. Maybe it’s his heart, or perhaps it’s the little sanity he had left. Who was Kuroo to tell him how to behave? He was already going through so much. So much that he wouldn’t understand. Who was Kuroo to say to him what to do? It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair.

“What’s wrong, _Tsukki?_ Did I hit a nerve?”

“Don’t call me that. Don’t _you_ dare call me that.”

Tsukishima feels the rage flowing through him. A hot-blooded idiot, dare he say. “Fuck you,” Tsukishima curses. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck _you.”_

“Tsukishima-”

“Get out. Get. Out.”

* * *

Tsukishima doesn’t leave his bed for a few days. 

He gets phone calls from his mother and brother, as usual, worried about his wellbeing. Kuroo calls a couple of times as well. Even his former highschool volleyball teammates reach out to him. He guesses word about his outburst has travelled to his “friends.”

He wonders if Yamaguchi is upset that he hasn’t gone to see him. 

Tsukishima scoffs to himself. “When has he ever been upset?” He whispered to himself.

Well, there was that one time.

“Hey, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima says.

No answer. _Of course._

“I bet you’re pissed. I got into a fight with Kuroo. He started it, but I’m sure that’s irrelevant to you. Hinata as well. I haven’t spoken to him since-that’s beside the point. I’m sure they all hate me by now.”

He reaches out to touch Yamaguchi. He’s cold, which is _unusual,_ to say the least. Yamaguchi was never cold.

The cold Late November air is whirling around him. Maybe it’s the harsh wind that blows into his face that causes him to tear up, or maybe he really is becoming undone. There’s a burning sensation rising in his throat, and his breath hitches. He was most definitely crying. 

“Tsukishima?”

God, could he catch a break?

He turned to see Hinata and Kageyama. He hadn’t seen them since graduation, and this reunion was not going to be a happy one. 

_“What are you doing here?”_ Tsukishima choked, his voice raspy. 

“We came to see Yamaguchi,” Hinata responded.

The sight of Hinata was enough to get Tsukishima’s blood boiling. He, of all people, should not be here. 

“You shouldn't be here. Not while all of this is your fault,” Tsukishima accused Hinata.

* * *

“Yamaguchi, are you mad at me?” Tsukishima asks.

"Never, Tsukki," Yamaguchi murmurs.

Tsukishima rotates his body, so he was now facing Yamaguchi; their faces were only a few centimetres apart. In the dark, Tsukishima couldn’t see Yamaguchi’s face clearly, but he could feel him. Feel the warmth radiating from him. The bed creaks as Tsukishima shifts again, wanting to get a better angle of Yamaguchi’s face. It’s quiet, and he feels his heartbeat in his throat. 

“Tsukki.”

“Yes?” 

“Have you ever-uh, well. Have you ever kissed someone?”

“No. Have you?”

“No,” Yamaguchi answers.

Tsukishima waits before answering. “Do you want to?”

“Yes, Yes Tsukki, yes.”

“Are you nervous?”

“No. You?”

“God no. I’ve been waiting for this.”

And everything is warm.

* * *

Cold.

Cold.

Cold.

When Kei wakes up, he’s neither in Yamaguchi or his bed. 

The bright white light was jarring, blurring his vision.

He looked around the room. It was all white, sterile. He was alone. He pulled the magnets off his temples as he sat up straight; time was up. 

This wasn’t anything like he just experienced. It was the total opposite of Yamaguchi. He could still feel the warmth from him. The way his lips felt against Yamaguchi’s, the way their bodies were pressed against each other. 

Suddenly, the door swung open. A lady stood in the frame with a clipboard as she motioned for Tsukishima to follow her. 

Now it all made sense. 

“I thought it was supposed to feel real.”

“There’s only so much it can do, Mr. Tsukishima. You’re supposed to work with the interface, not against it.”

“I wasn’t working against it.”

“Maybe you should see a therapist instead,” the woman shrugged. “Wait here,” she said as she left Tsukishima in the waiting room. He sat down and waited for her in one of the armchairs that littered the room. She returns with Tsukishima’s jacket and glasses. “Sessions are the same price next week. If you want to make an appointment, do so online. You know the drill.” Tsukishima didn’t bother giving her a response, and she didn’t hang around long enough to get one. 

He thought about booking another session. Or maybe he should see a therapist. It seemed like every session was getting worse than the last one, and he didn’t want to waste his money.

* * *

Tsukishima couldn’t go back home just yet. He needed to cool off first. He went to the one person who could make him feel better.

“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima breathed out shakily. He reached out to touch the stone. It was ever so cold, not like Yamaguchi. “It’s been a while since we’ve spoken like _this_. It snowed on your birthday this year. I know you would have loved it. I remember when we used to play in the snow as kids...yeah.”

“I really wished we graduated together. I ended up going to a school in Sendai, guess I didn’t end up going far away.”

“Yamaguchi,” he repeats, “Yamaguchi… I’m sorry. I should have been there. I should have noticed,” Tsukishima wept softly. “It was never Hinata’s fault. It was mine,” he cried. Try as he might to wipe his tears away, they poured out of his eyes faster than he could dry them. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

As Tsukishima was getting ready to leave, he noticed a stray flyer being pushed around by the wind. _What pig litters here of all places?_ Tsukishima thought to himself as he picked up the piece of paper. Before throwing the flyer in the garbage, he read the big, bold letters. He let out a breathy, humorous laugh. 

_What a sick joke._

**HAVE A MISSED LOVED ONE? WISH YOU HAD SPENT MORE TIME WITH YOUR FRIEND BEFORE THEY DIED? LOOK NO FURTHER!**

**NOW ACCEPTING NEW APPLICANTS**

**Author's Note:**

> AHHH if you made it to the end thank you for reading
> 
> This was based on the San Junipero episode from black mirror (which is one of my favourites), so could read a summary of the episode if there's any confusion
> 
> Just for timeline clarification, the story takes place when Tsukisima is in university but "visits" Yamaguchi when they are in their third year of high school.


End file.
